Soul Exhaustion

Emotionally abused by my family my entire life and still am. Depressed and terrified as long as I can remember. Extremely painful Fibromyalgia keeping me mostly bedridden for the last 12yrs. My entire life is on the net because that’s all I’ve been capable of. Finally getting to use that forced social media skill and the sites keep threatening to close my accounts simply because I’m fast and efficient. I honestly said “I’m happy” for the first time and now I’m terrified that’s going to end. I’m terrified my failure will take others down with me. I’m trying to breathe but I just want to cry. I want so badly to just walk out the door and never look back but I’m too practical: nowhere to go, no one to turn to, no way to take care of myself.

I feel helpless and hopeless. Everything I do hits a wall and now it has a chance of taking others with me. I’m miserably lonely. My world is very claustrophobic. I always question if people are really friends or just putting up with me. I feel I’ve been trapped my whole life and I’ll never be able to change it. I’ve never been content in my own skin. My existence literally doesn’t feel real. I’m terrified to look people in the eye or raise my voice. That no matter what I do this is my life until I die.

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About floppyjaloppy

#Christian Desperately need a #job. Teach me to #swim, #drive, #dnd, #hema, #archery, #riding, #travel the #world!
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