Thank You ‘Once I Was A Beehive’

I was going to do my nails (claws!) but my mother came in to hangout for a bit. I randomly chose the 2015 film “Once I Was A Beehive” as all girls should see it at least once. I hadn’t watched it in about a year but I remembered it was actually pretty good. I and my family are not Mormon but we are Christian and so MANY things in the film are crazy releatable. My mom and I groaned LOUDLY during the van ride to the camp as we sang those songs for years.
One of the biggest things I’d forgotten about the film was how it began and the main drive for the main character, Lane. I suddenly got very worried about my mom when it started and asked if she was alright and she said she was. I continued to ask throughout the film.
You see my grandfather, mom’s dad, passed away a week before Christmas and was buried a week after New Years. It was not an easy death for my grandfather or any of us. My grandmother will be having her first birthday without him in a few days and my mom and her siblings are a bit stressed that they need to be there for her especially now. My mom has also been traveling on an almost weekly basis to grandma’s house (still weird not to say ‘grandparents’) to help deal with all the legal/money issues left behind. She and most of my family also stayed at her house for nearly 2 months straight. It’s been a VERY rough year for us all.
So when she was able to get through this film and even enjoy it I knew this was a sign of getting better. I know she will forever miss her father and feel sad but she was able to make it. I know this paragraph doesn’t make much sense but it’s hard to explain.
I learned after the film that she’d just read a friend of hers had passed earlier this month. This friend, when I was a child, was the director of Missionettes (our version of Beehives). The film hit even more places than I knew. My mom was able to open up and tell me about this wonderful woman after the film reminded her of this.
I honestly find the film to be very chick-flick girly (says the ‘tomboy’) but the feminism is truly wonderful and uplifting and we needed that today. Thank you for making this film. . . and now I must get to my nails.

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My Grandfather

My grandfather’s funeral was yesterday. It literally felt like the world was mourning his loss along with us. He was truly one of the kindest, charitable and loving men that ever lived. Plenty of testimonies were given to this account along with a very full house.

It was a 3hr ride there and a 3hr ride back. I stayed up all night as I wouldn’t be able to get up so early and not be sick. Another sad thing about yesterday was that I had to leave. All my family stayed together even after the funeral but I had to be sent back home. I didn’t have my family around me for comfort so I’m on my own.

My grandmother, before we left, hugged me and told me she loved me and that my grandfather would be so proud of me. Even just writing this has started me sobbing. Somehow it still hasn’t all hit that he’s not here anymore.

I’m completely exhausted in every way and then some. My arm and fingers are bruised from digging my nails in to keep from crying yesterday during the funeral. I don’t like to cry in front of others and it was the most difficult time I’ve ever had not to cry.

I will always remember a Christmas back in 2007. I had just started to get help with my illness and it’s effects. My grandparents had gotten my siblings and I laptops and scheduled a Geek to set them up on Christmas day. Our living room is very small and crammed over 20 people in like sardines. I was in pain from the jostling of my, then, very young and excited cousins, everything was too loud and I was feeling claustrophobic. Through this my grandfather, also excited, kept asking me things about the computer and I was panicking. I got up to leave and he asked me yet another question. I yelled at him. I’ve never done that before or since in my life. I ran from there to my room and had a full blown panic attack. After I’d calmed down and came back out the Geek was setting up the computers. My grandfather came up behind me and hugged me more gently than ever. He told me it was alright and that he loved me. I have always cried at this memory and now it means even more.

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Darkness (working title)

OLD fanfic


Darkness.

That’s all that could be seen, not even his own hand in front of this face. He was laying stomache-down on something semi-soft and pushed himself up on it to his elbows. Tentatively he reached out a hand and felt a hard surface behind where his head had just been lying. There was nothing in front of him but cold air and nothing beyond his feet which lay at the end of what he now believed to be some kind of mat that was placed directly on a hard floor. He lay on his side, pulled his arms back and folded both under his head and tucked his legs up to his chest.

Somewhere in the blackness a clicking sound could be heard and then a blinding light hit his eyes. He brought his hands up to block it until he had adjusted. Once he could see properly he looked up to find his friend and teammate.

“Kame?”

Kamenashi Kazuya stood before him in regular clothes except the left sleeve looked to have been torn off and a bandage was wrapped around his bicep. His right hand was behind his back and his body seemed tense. Everything just seemed wrong.

“Kame where am I? What’s going on?” he went to sit up but Kame nrealy flinched and his arm came out a little further from behind his back. “Kame?”

“Jin. . . You’re. . . I. . . You” He was looking anywhere but at Jin now. What was wrong? Kame didn’t stutter like this, that was Maru’s Job.

“Why are you so nervous?” Jin got slowly to his feet and Kame took a few steps back. He brought his right hand out from behind his back completely and Jin’s eyes were instantly drawn to what he held. Kame was clutching a taser and it was switched on. Jin’s eyes got big and he stiffened completely as he looked back up at Kame’s face. “What are you doing?”

“What happened Jin?” Kame’s voice was strained. The light from the door that was left open behind him made it hard to see his face but what Jin could make out was that he was trying to keep his emotions from showing.

“What do you man? Kame, where am I?” Jin took a step forward and Kame took two steps hurriedly back, holding the weapon out further.

“You know what I mean Jin. Why did you do it? – How did you do it?” Kame’s voice grew stronger now. Jin just became more confused.

“No, I don’t. Kame, where am I?”

“You’re in a facility, Jin. They couldn’t control you at the hospital so they brought you here.” Kame’s voice choked a little at the word ‘hospital’.

“Hospital? Why was I at a hospital? Why would they need to control me? What kind of facility is this?”

“Stop pretending you don’t remember what happened!” Kame lost it then, actually making Jin jump as his voice echoed in the metal encased room.

“But, I don’t remember. I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t know why you’re scared of me or why I’m here, wherever here is! Kame what happened?! Please!”

Jin’s stomach was twisting with things he didn’t understand. His friend had him locked in a dark room, was holding an activated taser to him and accusing him of things he didn’t have any recollection of. Kame was keeping his distance at all times as though expecting he would attack him at any moment. Jin held the strong suspicion that Kame would really use his weapon on him if he were to try to get any closer than he was now. His friend would never act in such a way under normal circumstances so Jin rationalized that something must have really happened, but what?

Kame lowered the taser just a little and took slow steps backwards to the door of the room. Once there it looked like he was talking to someone just out of sight. I have guards? A moment later he came back with something in hand. He set the item on the floor and lifted half of it up to reveal a screen; it was a DVD player and it had already started playing.

“You really don’t remember doing any of this, Jin” Kame stood back again as he watched Jin kneel down on all fours in front of the device.

Jin’s heart started racing and his breathing became heavier and hitched as he couldn’t pull his eyes away from his doppelganger on the screen. He didn’t know whether to believe it or not. It was footage from security cameras seemingly situated inside the Jimusho but everything was wrong. The figures on the screen were in a panic, running and yelling. . . from him! He was chasing them and hurting them; anyone he could get a hold of. It didn’t matter if it was one of the boys of the company or the staff, adult or child, man or woman. If he caught them he hurt them.

This next scene forced a momentary stop of his heart. Both Koki and Junno had lunged at him, each grabbing an arm, and holding on while he tried to throw them off. From out of nowhere Ueda came at him with a syringe and stabbed him in the back of a shoulder. Just after that he managed to throw Junno and Koki harshly against a wall -they didn’t get up- and then he advanced on Ueda. They fought and Ueda landed two punches before Jin stopped them from coming.

“Stop” His voice was barely audible.

“One of the juniors had an insulin injection. It was just enough to slow you down until the cavalry arrived.” Kame was shaking as much as Jin was.

“Make it stop” Jin’s voice and body were trembling. Tears were reflected by the light from the screen and the door.

“Koki, Junno, and Ueda are all in hospital beds right now as well as others. Maru and I had just come back with take-out, just in time to see you pass out, and everyone else lying around you. Maru is there now watching over them as best he can” His hands were in fists.

“I. . .” he choked, ” I don’t remember any of this”

“How do you not remember something like this?! You nearly killed Ueda! You injured several others and attacked at least a quarter of the Jimusho!”

“I do-n’t know” Jin hadn’t yet looked away from the screen. His video self’s vicious kicks into Ueda’s ribs were starting to subside as the insulin injection must have been taking effect. He could feel his throat tightening and the tears were still coming. Kame just stared at him in disbelief.

“Y-. . . You really don’t remember any of this?” Jin continued to sob silently as his eyes remained fixed to the screen; his image had finally passed out.

“Kame, make it stop. . . Please.” Kame briefly considered the hospital tapes; he wasn’t sure whether Jin should watch them or not. considering the way he was currently reacting. Nothing was making sense! He walked over slowly, turned off the player and then immediately hurried back to his original spot. As if under a spell, Jin instantly closed his eyes and turned his face away.

Silence.

“Jin?” Kame wasn’t sure what to do now. Jin was crying on the floor after watching himself hurt his friends and band mates and, apparently not remembering any of it, and rather than comforting him he was standing a few feet away ready to use an electrified weapon on him if he got too close, This is crazy!

A strong convulsion went through Jin and then he stopped moving completely. There were no more shakes, no more shudders, and no more soft sounds of crying. He was still in place but like a statue. Kame took half a step forward and tightened his grip on his weapon.

“Jin?”

“Sorry Kazu, Jin’s not here right now but I’ll be sure to take a message” Jin pushed himself up so that he was sitting on his heels and looking up at Kame. He nonchalantly wiped the tears from his face and even blew his nose on his sleeve, loudly. “That was nice of you to make a home video for me. Could you make a copy for my collection? Got some great shots in there” He got up and started walking leisurely towards Kame. “Of couse we’ll cut out that last bit with me passing out. The ladies don’t go for that sort of thing. You know? Well. . .” he smirked and looked him over, “Maybe not.”

“What’s wrong with you?” Kame was holding out the taser with one hand and holding onto the wall with the other. Is it getting hotter in here?

“Hmm, nothing that I know of. Just havin’ a little fun. You know, Jin never lets me have any fun. In fact he hasn’t really talked to me very much. That’s not very nice of him is it? I didn’t think so. Watching his life through our eyes has been so boring all these years! So, I decided I’d like some playtime. By the way, how’s the arm?” ‘Jin’ crossed his own arms and the corner of his lip went up even higher as he watched confusion take over Kame’s expression.

“You’re not Jin” It wasn’t a question.

“Ah, the ‘Golden Boy’ catches on.”

“Then who ar-or what are you?”

“Good question. Well, you saw the tapes and the pathetic way Jin cried over them. What do you think?” The sneer only worsened as he kept his arms crossed and did likewise with his feet while he leaned on the same wall Kame was currently on.

“So, you’re like. . . Yin and Yang? Jin’s dark side literally come out?” Kame’s head was starting to hurt and his arm was starting to throb and burn. The meds for his wound were starting to wear off. Have I really been here that long already?

“I guess that’s what you could call me. Yes. I’m Yin and he’s Jin. Ha! Now I even have a name as well as control over his body.” Kame didn’t like the sounds of that at all but at least he knew how to address this alter ego.

“Then that wasn’t Jin in the Jimusho either, it was you? Somehow you came out and took over and did all that?”

“Fun, wasn’t it? Too bad I didn’t get to the rest though. So many more screams to hear!” Yin looked like a perverted kid in a candy shop of horrors.

“How did you come out at all? Why now? . . Jin really can’t remember anything while you’re in control either, can he?” All these questions he and the rest needed answered if they were going to put things right, especially for Jin.

“Don’t know and wouldn’t tell how to put me back if I did. Jin’s the ‘Bakanishi’ not me. Anyway, speaking of screaming, I know the sound of your screams well and I bet I could make them come out nice” Yin unfolds his arms and pushes off the wall, “and loud” starts waling towards Kame, “and sweet.”

Without thinking Kame dug the taser into the top of Yin’s ribs as soon as he was close enough to do so. The clicking buzz of the device was barely audible above Yin’s high-pitched scream of pain that echoed around the room. It took a moment for Kame’s shock to wear down before he turned it off. Yin gave one more sobbing gasp before he slumped, face down, to the ground.

Kame, never taking his eyes off the figure or his hand off the weapon, slid down the wall to sit against it. The effects of the pain medication was almost gone and he was dizzy and now in shock from what had just happened. The meds were in his pocket and a water bottle just outside the door but he was in too much shock and needed to catch his breath. Jin or Yin lay just in front of him with small tendrils of smoke coming from underneath him. No matter who he had stunned, he had used the taser on Jin.


When he and Maru had walked back into the Jimusho neither could have dreamed of walking into something like that in their wildest. Jin just passed out in front of them after giving Ueda a weak kick in the ribs. They dropped the food and ran to the both of them, checking for a pulse and then to Junno and Koki who wouldn’t wake up either. Moments later sirens were heard and all kinds of police, paramedics, firefighters, etc. came in and took over. All six members of KAT-TUN were taken to the hospital. Ueda had been taken to critical care and Maru followed. Junno and Koki had one broken bone each adn an extensive concussion but would be fine with rest and medication. Maru waited for news on Ueda while Kame stayed with Jin.

One of the staff that had also come in with an injury and explained what had happened, as they had unfortunately been quite close; how Jin had suddenly turned violent and attacked everyone, how Ueda had stopped him with an insulin needle from a junior. They immediately strapped Jin down as they began working on getting the extra insulin out of his system. Two policemen were stationed outside his door and Kame was permitted to stay but was only allowed to sit outside in the hallway and wait.

As soon as the substance was adequately out of Jin’s system he began thrashing in his bonds, causing some of them to break loose. The doctor and the nurse rushed inside with a tranquilizer but couldn’t hold him down to get it to him safely. Then the policemen came in to help restrain him and Kame couldn’t stand just watching things through the door that had been left open during the chaos.

During the panic and hassle, one of Jin’s free hands reached for one of the cops and managed to grab his sidearm. Before anyone had realized it he had clicked off the safety. By the time they had grabbed his arm Jin had already fired at least one shot freely. The bullet missed the policemen and medical staff and they managed to get the gun away from Jin before another was fired. The tranquilizer was administered then and he was put back into his restraints before anyone finally looked around for where the bullet had gone.

Kame was sitting against the door frame holding his left arm which was squirting blood. His face was pale already and in obvious pain as he struggled to breathe. Now that Jin was down they turned their attentions to him. The nurse grabbed a towel from teh bathroom and wrapped it tightly around his arm then helped him up and out of the room. Needless to say he’d been shot. The bullet had gone all the way through but they still had to stop the bleeding and patch up the arm, let alone bring the pain down to a bearable level. By the time that was done Maru had show up exhausted and frantic. Kame got a chewing out for being that close but he was grateful he was OK too. He got the update on the others and then it was lights out for them all. Maru stayed the night in Kame’s room as Kame was now staying overnight for observations.


That had been a terrible day and Kame would love to remove it from his memory but it had also been real. Jin was still in front of him in the dark metal room with one mat in the far left corner. The DVD player was still turned off not too far from them, the door was still open, being the only light in the room and with guards on the other side, and he, Kame, was still sitting on the floor in pain from Yin’s earlier escape attempt at the hospital and his attempts to touch him from moments before. He just wanted to know why this was happening. They all did.

A breathy squeak was heard from the figure before him and he knew that one of the two was waking up. He straightened up as much as possible and brought his weapon out in front of him again. ‘Jin’ started moving achingly slowly, bringing one hand under himself. Feeling where I hit him, no doubt. I bet it burns. Then the hand came back out just as slowly with the same sound accompanying every slow movement as he braced himself against the ground and pushed up. He got as far as his elbows and then was out of breath and was gasping from pain and exhaustion. Once his wind was back he turned his head and looked in Kame’s direction, squinting his eyes a bit before speaking.

“Kame?” His voice squeaked when he talked too. “What did I do?”

“Jin?” Kame was even more wary than when he had stepped into the room.

“Did” he swallowed, “Did I do something? I hurt.” There was pain in his eyes like when he had been crying. This had to be Jin. Kame wanted to believe that.

“You don’t remember?”

“N-no. Kame, did I do something? Did I do something to you?” Now Kame couldn’t look im in the eye anymore”I. . . I did, didn’t I?” His voice started to break.

“No, Jin. You didn’t hurt me. Yin thought it would be fun to try though.”

“Yin?”

“Your alter ego. The one who’s you while you can’t remember.” Might as well see where that gets them.

“How do you know that? I don’t even know that!”

“Because he told me. He’s your dark side so he calls himself ‘Yin’. He just decided that’s going to be his name from now on.”

“Oh.” There were a few moments of silence before Jin painfully rolled onto his back and then had to take deep breaths again. He lifted his head to see and fingered two small holes in his shirt where his ribs were. When his fingers actually touched one of the holes he hissed, clenched his teeth and lay his head back down.

“Sorry.” It almost felt weird saying that. It was Jin he was saying that to but it had definitely been a different person he had burned, for his safety he might add. Silence again before Jin looked over at him and then back at the ceiling.

“Kame?”

“Yeah?”

“How did you hurt your arm?”

“What?” Again it felt weird. This person lying in front of him had been the one that hurt him and now was innocently asking who it could have been. But now he knew it was Yin and not Jin and he was having a hard time processing this. It was becoming increasingly difficult while needing more medication too. He was already gritting his teeth to help fight off the encroaching pain.

“Your arm. How did you hurt it? You said you and Maru came in just as I-. . . Just as I passed out. So how did you hurt it?”

“Jin, just a moment. I. . . I need to get something real quick.” Keeping his hold on his taser he pushed himself slowly and painfully to his knees with the one arm and then had to take a breath for his vision swam a bit. Next he pushed off to stand upright. He managed to take two steps before feeling dizzy again and having to lean against the wall with his good arm for a minute with his eyes scrunched closed.

“Kame? Are you alright?” This movement, of course, didnt’ go unnoticed by Jin who had been following him with his eyes from where he lay on the floor.

“I’m fine Jin. I’m going to the door to get my water. I need my medicine.” He didn’t want to scare Jin with his unsure movements but there was no getting past needing his medication and he needed his water to take it with. He’d left the bottle just outside the door but brought the pills in an EZ-Dose bag in hi s pocket so he wouldn’t have to worry about losing it while dealing with Jin. Now he wished he’d brought the water with him and just set it down somewhere in the room. What harm would a bottle of water have done anyway? Hindsight was so annoying!

The wave from standing up so quickly was passing now and he started to move again He kept his weapon-filled hand on the wall for support but managed the rest of the way quickly enough. Once there he very slowly kneeled down to find the much appreciated bottle sitting on the floor next to one of the guards’ feet. With the guards there and Jin pretty much immobilized for the moment he felt more secure putting down the taser to take the meds and he did his tasks quickly. After taking them he leaned his head against the door frame for a moment to catch his breath again before putting the water bottle back down and slowly standing up.

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The Dog, the Gull and the Wire Dragon

McBombadill was sitting on the shores one gray morning. Green waves crashing gently against the sand and a chill breeze about his ears. He’d woken early and sleep forbade him return so he’d taken a walk and ended at his present seat. Upon surveying the horizon he spotted something quite odd, really. It seemed to be a sauntering ball of hair with a kind of UFO keeping pace above it. Upon closer inspection it became a large, shaggy dog and a gull along for the ride. He smiled to himself at such a find ‘maybe this was worth being up early for’. The dog went to wade in the waves causing the bird to bark orders and change course. At this the dog backed until the ground became dry and promptly sat down. This caused the bird to furiously flap and shriek as it slid down it’s back to an undignified landing. The two then sat there for a while as the aviator continued to squawk. McBombadill gave a little chuckle to himself at the odd couple as he raised himself. A kind of chill went through his bones as he was patting the sand from his person. As it was still quite cool he shrugged it off and turned to go. At the first step he heard the pair making such a fuss he hastened around to see what was the matter. They were still at the water’s edge but were quite agitated at what something beyond. As the clouds were laying on the water he couldn’t see anything that would explain such behavior. He turned again to leave but their sound became louder and was soon upon him. Quite literally, in fact, as the four-legged beast had bowled him over. The pair had decided to make their stand against this invisible force and he was unsure whether he was in the way so turned and started to stand again. The animals suddenly stopped and became still as statues. McBombadill had to look closely to make sure they were still breathing. A giant gust of wind like those of a storm at sea pushed him and the pair back some paces. This was promptly followed by the shaking of the ground and a sound he’d never heard. A sound that made you cover your ears yet there was no stopping it. A sound that cut through to the soul. The dog and the bird made little whimpers as they crowded next to him in mutual fear. The world grew still again and nothing could be heard but waves on sand. They stood together waiting for they didn’t know what. Then it came again and all at once. The trio ran for the grassy edge of the woods and stopped to catch their breath and wait. With yet another gust the clouds parted and threw them flew a giant creature winged with a lashing tail. It’s snakelike body writhed as it’s talons flexed. That piercing cry came again like nails on a chalkboard. As the small band could not look away McBombadill saw it’s body was unlike those seen in picture books. It seemed to be comprised of wire twisted together like rope. Every move the creature made mimicked that of a strangled fiddle. A spell seemed to have been broken as the gull screeched at the dog a round of orders. The dog barked acknowledgement before striding forward and barking at the legendary beast. A snarl and smoke came up through the flared nostrils of the creature and it swooped down upon them. Narrowly missing and still egged on by the gull the dog resumed his barking. Again the monstrosity swooped down, filling it’s claws with air. The pair found courage in this and set off towards the sand. McBombadill had been frozen in place yet now returned to his earlier place to watch the battle. They continued their savage dance again and again. A sandstorm had begun from the sheer power of the beings wings making it harder for it to aim. The dog and the gull took advantage of such change to their arena. They egged it on like a bull fighter and the beast dove headlong into the beach. The sand began to sting McBombadill’s eyes and throat but he could not look away. Craters began to appear from every botched attempt only making it furious. It tried beating it’s giant wings together to drive the pair back but bird shrieked at the dog who dodged again and again. McBombadill’s head was beginning to swim as he fell to his knees coughing and choking. At long last the creature screamed and shot up to the sky before returning like a rocket. The dog and the gull made haste for the woods. The beast pulled up too late and a mushroom cloud erupted and sent McBombadill backwards by the blast. A wet tongue was the last thing he remembered before staring up at his ceiling from his bed. . .

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